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Multichem

So my girlfriend cheated on me a week after our anniversary.

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We have talked about an open relationship... mainly because we both love each other and that emotional bond will not only always be present and relevant, but it will always be strong enough to the point that I am hers and she is mine, no matter the extras. And we are both mature enough in the aspect that we can get past the little things and see the big picture of staying close and together. That'll always be the situation. But both of us, in that thought, are still very territorial of each other. and neither one of us want to be promiscuous because, frankly, it's not that fun. Like, I did that a lot in high school and the year of college. I'm kind of over it. It's a hassle and hard to keep up with and I just don't care. So with that being said, nothing is finalized.

 

On note, we had a good long talk today. we decided to continue living together, because neither one of us can stomach the thought of being alone after what we have had. Plus, the hassle of splitting things up and all the things we have in both our names is considerably too much for both of us to want to deal with at the moment, so we are just going to ride it out and see what happens. All boundries are open, there are no restrictions, but we do still love each other and want each other to live the best life possible. So we are going to stay together in a more plutonic relationship. With that said, there will always be tension, and it's agreed between us that it's natural and that we shouldn't hide it or dwell on it. We have history, and we know each other intimately, and to rid ourselves of that bond would be silly. It's not to get in the way of the relationships we develop or our friendship in anyway, but we must still accept that we have a bond that shouldn't be suppressed.

 

As far as living restrictions go, we aren't bringing people home without permission, and they must leave before the other get's home from work "we both work night jobs, so that means 8 am for any girls spending the night, and 10 am for any guys she has over), because if I come home to another guy in my bed, even out of a relationship, he will have approximately 2 minutes to be out of my apartment before I send him over the balcony. She is still mine when I am home, and I am still hers. And I think that's nice.

 

I don't know how it'll work out. I think it sounds good with what we have talked about and gone over and all the things we want are still in play. But we both need to explore other opportunities, and that's very obvious. So we will see how this all goes.

 

So, this is my soap opera life. You guys can go ahead and follow this thread if you'd like updates. And, on that note, if you guys are having any relationship issues, this can be a haven for that. We all need to talk about this stuff, just keep it civil and don't be too malicious.

 

Again, thanks for listening. You have no idea how much this has helped me.

 

Bitch move.  I mean if you folks are swingers then cool do your thing but if not, move the fuck on.  You have to be able to be happy with yourself outside of a relationship in order to have a healthy relationship with someone else.  Sounds like neither of you are mature enough for an adult relationship. 

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Here's the thing.

 

You're looking for a rational reason as to why this happened, so at least you can have the closure.

 

THERE ISN'T ONE.

 

You won't find one, so don't even bother looking. If you keep trying to think of an explanation that at least lets you have your peace, then you'll keep dwelling on it. You likely didn't do anything wrong, so if you keep going on thinking that you did, you'll never understand why the relationship is over.

 

Accept that this happened for reasons beyond your control, and you'll sleep a lot better tonight.

 

You're completely right. The only reasoning that comes from this is that she isn't ready to settle down and have a mature adult relationship. She has never had a time to just go have fun without boundries considering she went from her ex of 3 years to me. She never had a period of experimentation and she never had that time to get her wildness out. And I want her to have that, because everyone deserves it. That's the only explanation, is that she wants to have no boundaries and to explore what the world has to offer, and honestly, I can accept that. It's not an issue, and I'm able to give her that because I'm not going to be selfish about the situation. But, on that same note, it's not over for us. Neither one of us think we should just split and let it die. That's not right on either end. It may seem that way because yeah, she cheated, but it wasn't in a malicious form. She didn't do it because I treated her badly, she didn't do it because she was bored, she did it because she's human and female and needs to grow through experiences that she hasn't had. It's understandable, and I can accept it. Both of us can.

 

The moral of the story is that we are perfect for each other, just not right now. And as depressing a thought that is, it's the truth. And with that being said, we have developed too much with each other to let go because of it. We love each other, but we can't be together. We can still be there for each other though, and I think that's what should happen. Too many people turn love into hate because they can't control their emotions. Too many people end up holding grudges because things didn't go their way. I'm not like that, and don't want to hurt someone I care so deeply for. She screwed up, and she knows that. Now we must grow from it.

 

 

***** move.  I mean if you folks are swingers then cool do your thing but if not, move the fuck on.  You have to be able to be happy with yourself outside of a relationship in order to have a healthy relationship with someone else.  Sounds like neither of you are mature enough for an adult relationship. 

 

I am happy with myself out of a relationship, as is she. But we love each others company. When you are together and live with each other and spend every moment together, you become best friends as well as lovers. It's human connection, man. Neither one of us want to be rid of each other. It wouldn't be good for either of us, and I would argue that we are more mature than most couples that split and start a hate war because they are too weak to accept their love will remain.

 

Remember, love and hate are one in the same, how you choose to express that emotion is the difference.

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Best friends don't stab each other in the back.  You gonna marry this girl?  Move the fuck on.  I gurantee there is someone out there that is a better fit for you than her and won't do what she did.  She's obviously not ready for an adult relationship.

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Best friends don't stab each other in the back.  You gonna marry this girl?  Move the fuck on.  I gurantee there is someone out there that is a better fit for you than her and won't do what she did.  She's obviously not ready for an adult relationship.

 

We're living with each other, not chained to each other. There's more to the situation than a black and white picture to interpret. I understand what you're saying here, I really do. And I know how it looks. But this is what's going to work right now. And I've already stated plenty of times that she isn't ready for an adult relationship. That's the entire reason we are even in this circumstance in the first place.

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Walk away. If you stay it lets her know that she can continue to walk all over you. This is very unattractive to a female. Things might be ok in the short term but in the long run this is detrimental. Take the relationship for what is was worth and move on. Easier said than done but when you talk about controlling your emotions this is what must be done. Justifying her actions and making excuses is not controlling your emotions, it's actually the opposite. Staying with her is what is easy, getting walked on is easy. Walking away with self respect and dignity is what is hard.

 

There is a fine line between being understanding and accommodating and being co dependent.

 

Moving on can be scary, especially when you are with someone for an extended period. But doing so will give you clarity. You will start to see her based off of her decisions, decisions that hurt you. She will be less and less attractive to you and easier to get over. In the end you will respect yourself. Being able to walk away and channel your emotions is somewhat of a skill. Just as important as opening up and letting someone in is, shutting down and cutting people who hurt you off is equally important.

 

Use your current emotions and transfer them into something creative. Use them as motivation to try something new and to be the best you can be.

 

Good luck Broseph. Keep us posted... It is good to talk about these sorts of things.

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Walk away. If you stay it lets her know that she can continue to walk all over you. This is very unattractive to a female. Things might be ok in the short term but in the long run this is detrimental. Take the relationship for what is was worth and move on. Easier said than done but when you talk about controlling your emotions this is what must be done. Justifying her actions and making excuses is not controlling your emotions, it's actually the opposite. Staying with her is what is easy, getting walked on is easy. Walking away with self respect and dignity is what is hard.

 

There is a fine line between being understanding and accommodating and being co dependent.

 

Moving on can be scary, especially when you are with someone for an extended period. But doing so will give you clarity. You will start to see her based off of her decisions, decisions that hurt you. She will be less and less attractive to you and easier to get over. In the end you will respect yourself. Being able to walk away and channel your emotions is somewhat of a skill. Just as important as opening up and letting someone in is, shutting down and cutting people who hurt you off is equally important.

 

Use your current emotions and transfer them into something creative. Use them as motivation to try something new and to be the best you can be.

 

Good luck Broseph. Keep us posted... It is good to talk about these sorts of things.

 

I'm considering kicking her out tomorrow and having one of my old teammates move in with me next week. I'm in absolute emotional distress. My Bipolar self has made a reappearance for the first time in 7 years and I can't stay in a static mood for more than a couple hours at this point. It's like there's a hurricane within my mind, shredding the walls and breaking the levees. I'm not sure how much more I can take of this mental state. I'll see how things go at work tonight (which I should probably be sleeping for, but that's hardly an option ATM). If I can keep a solid state of mind throughout the night and focus on my tasks with enough clarity to finish everything, then I'll be fine. However, if this starts to become a detriment to my work, than something will have to be done. I can't put my financial security on the line because I cherish a relationship with a lying bitch.  

 

Excuse my language.

 

I don't have a problem with moving on. That's not difficult for me at all. I've had to do it twice now, and know the tricks (loose women) to do so. But, I don't exactly want to go down that road for more than emotional reasons. Splitting our possessions will be excessively difficult, and dividing the funds in our account will be just as arduous. On top of that, She cooks for me and cleans the house while I sleep, which is something I know my old teammate will never do. There are perks in the situation if I can find sanity within. I just need to assess everything I have in front of me.

 

However, I will never find another girl like this again. She is utterly unique and everything that balances me. And knowing that letting her go is letting go of what may be my missing puzzle piece (Katy Perry reference) is unsettling.

 

I have a lot to think about.

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Kicking her out is probably one of the better decisions out of the situation.  You say she cheated on you twice?  She will do it again if you stay with her.  It will be difficult but you'll save yourself a lot more trouble in your future. 

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Kicking her out is probably one of the better decisions out of the situation.  You say she cheated on you twice?  She will do it again if you stay with her.  It will be difficult but you'll save yourself a lot more trouble in your future. 

 

I know. I know. We aren't together so cheating on me isn't really going to happen, and we don't plan on getting back together. At least not anywhere in the near future. As I've said earlier in the thread, she hasn't had a wild phase, and needs to have one before I could ever consider being with her again. She needs to grow up, that much is obvious. Probably the only part of the entire situation that makes any sense or follows any sort of logic.

 

I had a serious breakdown last night. I was miserable. For hours. every 5 minutes was another hell to endure, from images of her and the other guy to times we had together. It was what felt like an endless torment. I had no escape, and had no one there to tell me it was okay. Being at work, I was utterly alone within my head. Some of the thoughts almost brought me to my knees. But I have my responsibilities and needed to power through it. When I got home, I broke completely. Crying, sobbing, the whole nine yards. she held me the whole time and scratched my back and it was awesome. But not awesome in the "it feels like we are back together <3" kinda way, but awesome in the "emotional support is exactly what I need, I'm so glad you're here" kinda way. Which I could get from no one but her and my mom. And considering I'm 21 and probably shouldn't be going over to mommies to cry in her arms, I'll take living with Amber. She takes care of me, and I love that. Yeah, we aren't together, and she's the reason for this hell, but she will walk through it with me the whole way. And I think there's something beautiful hidden in there.

 

Call me pathetic, call me co-dependent, whatever. It's so nice to have someone there for your emotional needs. You can't get that with a guy roommate. You can't get that living alone. Sure, It's going to be a bit more difficult to have 1 night stands like I should be doing as a moderately attractive guy, but I think I'll live.

 

finally, I've never understood why guys turn their love into hate. Love is such a beautiful things, and hate is so ugly. But when you really think about it they are one in the same. They are the same emotion and utilize the same part of your brain and body. I've always considered it do weak to turn to hatred of those who love. Hold onto that emotion and cherish it. Life is too short to hate and hold grudges.

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I know. I know. We aren't together so cheating on me isn't really going to happen, and we don't plan on getting back together. At least not anywhere in the near future. As I've said earlier in the thread, she hasn't had a wild phase, and needs to have one before I could ever consider being with her again. She needs to grow up, that much is obvious. Probably the only part of the entire situation that makes any sense or follows any sort of logic.

 

I had a serious breakdown last night. I was miserable. For hours. every 5 minutes was another hell to endure, from images of her and the other guy to times we had together. It was what felt like an endless torment. I had no escape, and had no one there to tell me it was okay. Being at work, I was utterly alone within my head. Some of the thoughts almost brought me to my knees. But I have my responsibilities and needed to power through it. When I got home, I broke completely. Crying, sobbing, the whole nine yards. she held me the whole time and scratched my back and it was awesome. But not awesome in the "it feels like we are back together <3" kinda way, but awesome in the "emotional support is exactly what I need, I'm so glad you're here" kinda way. Which I could get from no one but her and my mom. And considering I'm 21 and probably shouldn't be going over to mommies to cry in her arms, I'll take living with Amber. She takes care of me, and I love that. Yeah, we aren't together, and she's the reason for this hell, but she will walk through it with me the whole way. And I think there's something beautiful hidden in there.

 

Call me pathetic, call me co-dependent, whatever. It's so nice to have someone there for your emotional needs. You can't get that with a guy roommate. You can't get that living alone. Sure, It's going to be a bit more difficult to have 1 night stands like I should be doing as a moderately attractive guy, but I think I'll live.

 

finally, I've never understood why guys turn their love into hate. Love is such a beautiful things, and hate is so ugly. But when you really think about it they are one in the same. They are the same emotion and utilize the same part of your brain and body. I've always considered it do weak to turn to hatred of those who love. Hold onto that emotion and cherish it. Life is too short to hate and hold grudges.

Sounds rough man, take it one day at a time. This is life and these emotions are what remind us that we are alive. The good isn't as good without the bad. Get inspired, find something to focus on. Play the guitar, go lift, run until you can't run anymore, train bjj. You can't remain stagnant, you have to keep moving.  One night stands are overrated, try to actually develop a friendship with a female(s) that isn't centered on sex. The more females you are friends with the more females you will meet.

 

What kind of work do you do?

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Sounds rough man, take it one day at a time. This is life and these emotions are what remind us that we are alive. The good isn't as good without the bad. Get inspired, find something to focus on. Play the guitar, go lift, run until you can't run anymore, train bjj. You can't remain stagnant, you have to keep moving.  One night stands are overrated, try to actually develop a friendship with a female(s) that isn't centered on sex. The more females you are friends with the more females you will meet.

 

What kind of work do you do?

 

I've been working out a lot harder lately, and being able to push myself farther. And I'm going to get back into racing and build myself a little autocross project, which is going to be great considering I have the money to do it legally this time. I may pick up a second job, although I work too hard as it is, so that would probably just be for money purposes instead of attention diversion. I want to get back into competitive gaming like I was a few years ago, but that's hard when all my teammates are fickle and uninterested in the world around them (turned into hipsters after highschool WHY). Point is, I have things I can and want to do. And now I can focus on them more. Plus, with my job, I have the money to pursue the more expensive aspect of racing in doing it legally as mentioned. So that'll be really cool.

 

As far as one night stands go, they are only overrated if you actually want to meet people. Honestly, girls annoy the living hell out of me. I don't like being around them for longer than I have to, and making friends with them will just lead to either me sleeping with them or them turning me down and breaking the friendship apart anyway, thus negating any women I meet through them as well. I haven't done the whole... I don't know, played the pick up game since college a few years ago because it's tedious and lame, but now I'm going to have to get back into it. yippie.

 

Im a Logistics Manager at King soopers (think Walmart but only groceries, meat, and produce). Basically, I order what get's stocked to the shelves. All of it. Anything people buy, I give to them. I'm kind of like the all powerful god of harvest. Except I don't have the flowing hair or power of rain. Regardless, that's what I do. I order groceries.

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So, that pretty much sums up the article. Basically as off topic as it gets.

 

I don't know how to react. I've never been cheated on, and I've never had a relationship this long before. So there's a lot of new stuff going on here that I just don't know how to handle even in the slightest.

 

Onto the worse part, we are 6 months into a lease and have 6 more months to go.

 

I guess this thread is dedicated to any kind of advice you guys have for me here about the situation. This pertains to how to handle the living situation, how to act around her, how to act in general. I'm pretty numb here and could use some direction.

 

 

 

Edit: This thread is open to any relationship issues anyone is having. Sometimes venting and letting things out helps more than anything, and we all have issues. If anyone needs help, or needs to talk about something, don't be hesitant. With that being said, please keep it clean and not too malicious. constructive criticism as always, and play nice.

 

Thanks guys.

 

 

 

I haven't read the thread but if you're still with her, I'm punting a puppy into a volcano

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I think it would be interesting on the wording of letting your cheating ex know that you are dumping her. First off, I would let her know that I was going to take a few days  to think about it. Then, I would go about a professional way of doing it. For example: "It has been decided that you are being let go". I would make it sound like she was terminated at her job. 

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Or don't communicate with her for a long time. See other bitches, and clap the cheeks. When you see her, act as if nothing happened and move forward into plowing her if she's hot.

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find a new bish and let her move in rent free. #jimmyrustler.

 

but honestly I personally wouldnt stay with a girl that cheated on me. Break up with her and give her the cold shoulder.

 

About the lease if you dont have any fucks left to give ride it out, if not like other people have said theres probably a way around it, talk to your landlord or something. 

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